Self realisation hits…
I have always been thinking why not me. Why don’t have friends with whom I can share all my thoughts? Why don’t I have friends who are happy with me around? Why not? Why only I am the one feeling left out at times?
Today I got answer to all my questions. Because I am a person full of questions. Because I am the one who have already created loads of assumptions. Because I am the one who is afraid to loose a friend with whom I feel some connection. I have made some good friends in school in my college days in coaching institutes. But some lasted for 4-5 years and some may be for months. People say if you have a friendship that lasted for 7 years then they aren’t your friends anymore but they are family. But I don’t think in my life I will ever have a friend who will find me as a family to him/her. I don’t know why I am like this. I am over-concerned at times. I end up ruining things quite a lot. I may be good but I am not the best. I have made loads of friends but on a given day if you ask them there 5 good friends I am afraid but I know my name won’t be there at all. You must be like this guy is so self obsessed. May be you are right. I may not give people much but may be I expect a lot. I think a lot.
At times seeing the friendship of Joey and Chandler I was asking myself do you really find this kind of friendship in this world. And then suddenly I realise, may be not in my case but yes this friendship does exist. You find people tagging along on social media platforms. May be some people aren’t meant for all this. And ya I am one such person.
So I may have friends but may be don’t have people who consider me as one…
Are you real asked my soul to me. Soon my heart answered yes and then suddenly there was another answer that came from my subconscious mind “No” and as always the conflict started. Why don’t we ever find our heart and our mind coming to the same conclusion? Want is it that one always find that we aren’t portraying what we really are. Or let me put this in a way saying we portray what we want according to people and according to the situation we come across. So can I say we are real to this unreal world. Actually at times I feel we don’t what people to know who we really are, may be we are afraid to lose them or we are afraid may be the other person deep inside can make us insecure.
Once I questioned myself do I myself know whom I am. What I want from this life? What is my ambition? What’s makes me happy? And that was the day I found that I actually don’t know the real me or I never wanted to know the real me. What I was looking in was what people wanted me to look like or be like. May be that day I got the answer that what heart believes is what we want to believe in. What we want is to be in front of this world but what my mind said was what I am inside and may be gradually what I am loosing far behind. I won’t say it’s a self discovery because it’s just a realisation. Since, I know in this journey of life I have covered a long distance and it will be quite tough to find that person who was there at some point. May be he has disappeared somewhere or may be only our mind believes it is there somewhere inside.
Look for innocence, look for life, People will come and leave you. What will be left is you with your thoughts behind……
Do you have a 2 am friend. The one who is always there for you. The one with whom you can talk for hours and hours. This friend is the one with whom you discuss everything you want. They are the one who just don’t judge you at all. The one friend who can scold as hard as required and who cares about you like no one else cared. He/ She is the one who can advise you on anything you want. The one who can never leave you when you are torn apart. The one you just call up without giving a second thought. The one who can’t imagine you being sad and can make you happy in whatever manner you want . The one with whom you can talk about all shit stuffs happening around. You talk to them without any reason at all. The one who will find out what’s happening in your life without being around. They become a sleeping pill for you which you were never prescribed for. They are the addiction you are happy to get addicted to. They fight with you which doesn’t lasts for an hour or two. They are the only people who let’s you forget any inhibitions which you carry around. The one who you just can’t think of loosing at all. So anyone can be your 2 am friend – your parents, your BAE, your BFF. A 2 am friend can be anyone for us may be our Diary wherein we share everything we want to. It can be our pet the one who listens to all our sorrows, thoughts, happiness and all that’s going on with all enthusiasm and always make us feel special. So we all have our own 2 am friend, our own secret keeper, our own healer.
They are the only one who make you realise you are the luckiest person to have them in this beautiful journey of life.
Lately I have discovered many of us suffer from this phenomena called “Overthinking”. This is nothing but a wall you try to built around your self. It’s a wall of insecurity, it’s a wall where u are sad, it’s a wall where you think you are lonely, it’s nothing but your mind not allowing you to be happy or enjoy what’s there in the moment. You try to text a friend after a long time and then you refrain to send it around, because your subconscious mind says what if he/she doesn’t recognise me or what if he/she ignores me. This is just a small example of what we tend to go through in our mind. “WHAT IF?”, that’s itself explains all the insecurity, loneliness we tend to hide somewhere. How many of us just do what we want just without giving it a second thought. When was the last time you had a big cheesy pizza without thinking what if I put on weight? When was the last time you called your best friend and tell him/her what they mean to you. We always hide our feelings because of this disease called “Overthinking”.
So just stop overthinking on stuffs, nothing is going to help you. Instead just discuss what you have inside with the one you know will understand whatever you tell them. May be your parents, your siblings, your teachers or your friends. So break the shackles and stop thinking because may be somethings are just there to happen….
So don’t overthink just speak what’s there in your mind. You have a person who will listen to you everytime..